


I Did it for You

by Pixie_Queen24 (FallenAngel69)



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Community: cookleta, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 13:00:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18250352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallenAngel69/pseuds/Pixie_Queen24
Summary: Sometimes leaving is what is best.





	I Did it for You

**Author's Note:**

> From 2011: Archie's POV

 

Walking into the room filled with my old friends was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. However, missing one of my best friend’s wedding was out of the question, so I decided to suck it up and endure just one evening of being in the same room as my ex.

The first person I saw when I arrived was Carly. Unsurprisingly, she met me with open arms and a friendly smile. “Baby, how are you? We’ve missed you so much!”

I laughed nervously as she yanked me into an excited embrace. “I’m doing well, Carly. How are you?”

She pulled away and gave me that look. The one I was afraid of getting from everyone who knew about my break up with the supposed love of my life. It had been months since it happened, but it wasn’t exactly an expected split. Everyone had been so certain that we were meant to be. We’d been together for so long, even I thought that. I never saw it coming; never imagined that one day he would come home to the house that we shared and say that he wanted out.

I was devastated. He never gave me a reason. I kept asking myself what I could have possibly done to push him away. I still haven’t figured that one out. Looking back at our life together, I couldn’t pin point one single thing that should have caused it. I always thought that what we had was good. Perhaps it was just my imagination because obviously there was a flaw somewhere. I felt like it was me. Maybe I wasn’t giving him what he needed. Perhaps I had just grown a little too comfortable; too oblivious.

Inevitably, everyone became concerned with making sure I was ok and that I wasn’t so heartbroken that I’d become a recluse or something. Apparently I’m fragile. Of course I can’t lie and say that perhaps I haven’t become a bit of a hermit; at least where our mutual friends are concerned. The constant questioning became a little much.

“Really, Carly. I’m ok. Getting better, I promise.”

“I hope so,” she replied. It was then that she delivered the news that he was already there. Of course I wasn’t crazy enough to believe that he would miss Ally’s wedding. He’d developed some sort of big brother complex with her years earlier, so it wasn’t like I wasn’t expecting to see him. “He brought a date with him.”

I knew she was only trying to be nice and give me a fair warning, and I appreciated the gesture. I just wasn’t quite prepared for that. “Uh…,” I had to look away for a moment so she wouldn’t see evidence of pain in my eyes. “That’s… that’s great. I’m happy that he’s moved on.”

“Archie!” Brooke. I was never happier to hear her voice. She always managed to rescue me from awkward situations. “Honey! It’s so good to see you!”

“Hey, Brooke! It’s nice to see you, too,” I replied while returning her tight hug.

“Why haven’t you called?”

“I’ve been busy.”

“I understand. Come on, Jason is here and he’s been waiting for you.”

I waved goodbye to Carly and followed Brooke through the crowd to our other friend who had just returned from a mission trip in Africa. He’d been gone through the whole break up, so I knew he would want details. I wasn’t sure I was ready to talk about it.

Thankfully, the girls had filled him in enough so he didn’t ask any questions. I spent the rest of the afternoon sitting with him, catching up on each other’s current projects until the ceremony began.

It wasn’t until the reception that I saw him. My ex. It was his voice that first grabbed my attention. I would know that familiar sound anywhere. My heart pounded as my eyes scanned the room for him. Once I saw him, it nearly stopped beating. He looked as incredible as ever; wearing black pants, a crisp white shirt, and a black vest. His auburn hair was cut short and tousled and he’d trimmed his beard just perfectly. He even looked a little thinner than the last time I’d saw him. He was standing next to the punch fountain with a couple of people, smiling and laughing; looking as though he was really happy. My chest began to ache. I guess for some reason I had hanged onto the hope that maybe he would be as miserable as I was.  

I watched from across the room as he spoke with the small group of people. The woman next to him leaned in slightly and he slipped an arm around her waist, pulling her gently to his side. Suddenly I found myself remembering when he used to do the same to me. I couldn’t deny how much I missed him when just the thought of his soft touch and gentle caress made my whole body quiver in remembrance. I should have fought harder. Tried to make him understand how much I needed him. I just let him go.

“You ok?” Brooke asked once she and her husband rejoined me at our table. It was in that same instance that he turned his head and his eyes met mine.

I felt my face flush and I hurriedly turned my head away from his surprised gaze. “Um, yeah. I’m just…do you think it’s hot in here?” Then there it was again--that look. Only this time it was on Brooke’s face instead of Carly’s. “Will you excuse me for a moment? I think I need some fresh air.”

She nodded before asking if I wanted company. I, however, wanted to be alone for just a little while. I needed to compose myself. So I declined her offer and got up to head for the back exit which led to a small garden. It was a beautiful night and the moon was bright enough that I could see to wander further out. So that is what I decided to do. I found a small bench in the middle of the garden and sat down. It was peaceful and I could pull myself together in it’s silent serenity.

I don’t know how long I was out there thinking about what I had let slip away. I just know it had been a while. The music had changed from something slow and intimate to something thumping and celebratory. That’s when I felt a presence behind me. Cautiously, I turned around to see who else had found my hiding place.

My mouth fell open in surprise and my throat went dry. If I’d found him beautiful before, there was no way to describe the way he looked standing there in the moonlight with a crystal flute in each hand.

“Hey, Archie,” he spoke softly. “May I?” He motioned to the spot next to me on the bench.

“Oh! Um… yeah,” I stammered while sliding over a bit.

He sat down and offered me one of the champagne flutes in which I hesitated in accepting. “Don’t worry. It’s just apple juice,” he explained with a grin.

“Oh…” I took the glass, and he sat back against the bench and stretched his legs out in front of him while he simply took in the beauty of the garden. I didn’t know what to do with this unexpected encounter, so I remained quiet.

Finally he broke the silence a few moments later. “How have you been?”

I couldn’t help the sarcastic laugh that slipped from my lips. Was he serious? “Um…I’ve been, ok.”

“Me too,” he replied with a heavy sigh. He was quiet for another while before saying what a beautiful bride Ally had been.

“Yeah. She looked amazing,” I agreed. “And so happy.”

“I hope it works out for her.”

“Why shouldn’t it?” I asked, wondering what he could possibly think would go wrong. Ally and her new husband had been together for almost five years and nothing had gone wrong yet. They were perfect. They had… what we used to have.

He shrugged. “Men can be stupid sometimes.”

I didn’t know how to react to that. I couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps he was including himself in that category. I didn’t ask though. I couldn’t bring myself to ask him anything personal because I didn’t feel that it was my place anymore.

“You know it wasn’t you, right?”

The question came from so far out in left field that I didn’t even register what he was talking about at first, but one look into those hazel eyes told me exactly what he meant. God, I missed those eyes. I missed everything about him really. The way he used to make me feel like the center of his world. How he held me at night when we slept. It was so hard learning to sleep without his warm body wrapped around me like a cocoon. Apparently my thoughts were consuming me because his voice calling my name brought me back to the question at hand. “I…I never quite knew who it was,” I replied honestly. “You never explained anything to me.”

He bowed his head, staring at the glass he was twirling in his hands. “Yeah. I guess I didn’t.” When he looked up again, his eyes shone bright with unshed tears. I wasn’t sure what to make of that. “It was never you, Archie. It was me. It’s still me.”

Why was he telling me this now? What made him want to confess? “I…”

“I can’t tell you exactly why I left. Not yet. Just please know that I never wanted to hurt you.”

I wanted to tell him that he did. He did hurt me, but for some reason, I couldn’t. The look in his eyes was far too pitiful for me to add to his distress. “Um…the woman with you…?

“She’s a friend,” he replied, already knowing what I was thinking. “I love you, Archie.”

I gasped; nearly choking as air suddenly filled my lungs. I never thought I would ever hear him say those words to me again. “I… Cook, I don’t understand.”

“I know,” he said. “But it’s true, ok? I never stopped loving you.”

“Then why?”

Turning sideways in on the bench, he reached up and placed a gentle hand on my cheek. “Please don’t ask me to explain, Archie. I promise you’ll understand someday.”

I didn’t want to wait and understand someday. I wanted to understand right then and there, but I didn’t ask because the way he was looking at me left me breathless. Then when he rubbed a thumb across my lower lip, I forgot why I needed to ask anyway.

“Do you still love me?” He asked.

I could only nod. Of course, I loved him. He was my first love and quite possibly my only love.

“Even though I’ve hurt you?”

I nodded once more, and watched as a tear slid down his cheek. “Cook?”

“Can I hear you say it?”

“Cook, what is going on?”

“Please, Archie?”

“I love you, Cook,” I said, finally. “You know I probably always will.”

He then closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against mine. “I hope so.” Then it happened. He kissed me. His lips were soft and strong. Just like I’d remembered. I responded almost immediately. It felt so good to be kissing him, to taste his sweet lips again.

When we parted I had tears in my own eyes. Somehow, I knew that would be the last kiss we would ever share. “Cook…”

He looked at me with sad eyes one more. “I love you more than you’ll ever know, Archie.”

And with that, he pressed a gentle kiss against my head and then he was gone. Unable to move, I watched him walk back into the party. I sat there wondering what in the world just happened. By the time I made it back inside, he was already gone.

*****

Four months later, just as Cook had promised, I did understand. It came in the form of the morning news. I can still hear the anchor’s voice as if it were yesterday.

_…singer and renowned song writer David Cook died early this morning, ending his battle with a terminal illness that he’d reportedly been fighting for a little over a year. Sources say the singer passed peacefully in his sleep, surrounded by loved ones at his home in_ _Kansas City_ _. Cook was 34 years old…_

Hours later, I was pounding on Brooke’s door, screaming at her the moment she opened it. “Did you know!? Please tell me that you didn’t know this was why he left me!”

She shook her head, her own eyes red with tears as she pulled me into her arms. “I didn’t know, sweetie. I swear, I didn’t know.” Her voice cracked as she lowered us to the floor in her foyer, unable to support both of our weight.

I clung to her, crying my eyes out for hours. I couldn’t believe he was really gone. Moreover, I couldn’t believe that he’d rather leave me than tell me that he was dying. I found it selfish, and I hated him for it.

*****

The day before his funeral, I received a letter in the mail. There was no return address, but I recognized the writing on the envelope immediately. I carefully opened it and took a seat on the sofa in my living room, mentally preparing myself for what I was about to read.

_My Dearest Archie,_

_I know that by now you have figured out why I left. I hope you understand. I wasn’t trying to be selfish. I thought that leaving you would hurt you less than telling you that I was dying. By the time I saw you at Ally’s wedding, I knew that I’d probably made the wrong decision, but it was too late. The treatments weren’t working and I had little time. I didn’t want you to go through losing me all over again, not like this. So I didn’t tell you the truth. I am so sorry, baby._

_I hope that you can forgive me. I think about you every day. I wonder if you’re doing ok. Have you moved on? I want you to. You’ll make someone an amazing partner. I hope you know that you were the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you, David James. Please don’t hate me for what I’ve done._

_Love always,_

_Cookie_

I held the piece of paper in my hand and stared at it with a heavy heart. Of course, he had been trying to do what he thought was best for me. Even knowing that his own life was about to end, he was still thinking of me. I’d never loved him more.

*****

That was a year ago. Today, I am visiting his gravesite as I often do when I’m in the area. I have news.

As I sit down on the cool ground next to the granite headstone, I notice that the flowers I put there the last time were still the same vibrant red. The color reminds me of love. That’s why I picked that particular bunch in the first place.

“Hey, baby,” I say aloud as I placed a new bouquet of flowers on his grave. I always talk to him when I’m there. People passing by may think I’m crazy for talking to a stone, but I know he’s listening. He can hear me. He’s with me every day. “I come with lots of news today. First of all, Ally had her baby a few days ago. It was a little boy. She named him Matthew David…after you. Isn’t that cool? He’s got the same color hair as you. I wish you could see him. I know you’d spoil him rotten.” It brings a smile to my face, thinking about how he would have been overjoyed to see Ally become a mom. “Don’t worry; I’ll spoil him enough for the both of us.”

I continue to talk to him for a long time. Just random things that has been happening with our friends and my family. I’m saving my news for last. I feel a little bit guilty, but it’s what he would have wanted. “You know that guy I was telling you about the last time I was here? The record producer? Well he sort of asked me out,” I explain while busying myself with dusting a few specks of dirt from the headstone. “I said yes, but I’m so nervous, Cook. I haven’t been on a date in so long; I don’t think I remember how they work.”

Leaning my head against the stone, I place my hand over his name and silent tears begin to flow over my cheeks as they often do. “I still miss you so much.” It’s true. I miss him every day. The pain has dulled a bit but my heart still aches for him. Deep inside, I know that nothing or no one could ever replace him and that’s what I tell him. I can’t help that he’s the only one that I will ever truly love.

**Author's Note:**

> I do not know or own either of the Davids or anyone else in this fic, this is just my wild, twisted imagination at work....deal with it. Yeah, there is a longer disclaimer that I should add but until then, don't sue me. I have nothing anyways.


End file.
